Non-halal

Hello?

Have you called your sister yet?

Erm....no

Well, you better call her cause she mengamuk, say her sisters never call her worr.

-_- Okok, I'll call her now

.

**********

.

Heya! So, how did you do?

I got 7 A's!!!!!

Wow, 7 A's! Congrats!

Thank you!

Okay, byeeee...

Bye!

.
**********

.

.

I'm sure you could tell. I WASN'T surprised she got 7 A's for her SPM.

In fact, I was already EXPECTING her to get 7 A's. Maybe more. But nothing less.

But mummy was anxious cause she dreamt that Sarah got 4 D's.

I'm sure you could even tell that Sarah herself wasn't surprised she got what she got.

.

I remember back when I was sitting for the exam so many aeons ago.

I was never aiming for 7 A's. Heck. I wasn't even aiming for 2 A's.

That's how smart I was.

.

So the proud parents decided to treat all of us to a tasty dinner at El Cerdo on Cangkat Bukit Bintang.

.

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It's a German retaurants that serves really good authentic German dishes, but their speciality. PORK.

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Baby pork knuckles. Adult pork knuckles. Yummylicious pig's tongue. Pork ribs. Braised pork. Grilled pork. Barbequed pork. Pork this. Pork that. It's ALL about pork. And it ALL taste too good too!

.

.

And everywhere you look, you see pork. There are hundreds of different pictures of cute little pigs decorating the interior of the restaurant. From cartoons, to abstract art, to real pictures, to little piggie toys, gold ones, pink ones, silver ones, pigs made out of metal....it's just all about pigs.

.

And we ate like pigs too.

And I drank like a fish.

.

.

And walked out red. Unbalanced. And laughing my head off at everything.

.

But I swear I wasn't drunk. Just a little happy.

.

They have this special dish, called the Spanish Suckling Pig.

And it's really special because when it is served to your table, it comes in the shape of the whole baby pig.

No, you don't tear it apart like how you eat a whole chicken.

This is where the special part is.

.

You have to use a plate (given to you by the staff there of course) to cut the pig into pieces.

You know, like instead of using the butcher knife to chop, you use your plate.

.

.

And then when you're done, you break that plate.

I guess it's cause you chopped the pig with the plate, so you have to get rid of the evidence.

.

.

So, while we were dining, we could hear plates smashing every other minute.

No, we didn't order that dish.

But MamaYen said, we should go there the next time we have our PR bitching session.

Then we can smash all the plates we want to vent our frustration.

Eccentric Eyebrows

Seriously, I don't know where I even find the time to blog.
Work is killing me.
Personal time is killing me.
I guess this blog is the only thing that is keeping me alive "-_-"
.
Eccentric turned ONE
.
on Saturday.
The party was at Modestos Hartamas and the guests were beautiful.
The 'mamasan', HotTemperedJinee, was at her peak, basking at everyone, accepting her 'Congrats' gracefully and getting pissed drunk.
.

.
BlossomMich and I were happily hopping around, snapping pictures like as if it was OUR party, and downing whisky by the dozens.
Typical Malaysian kiasu-ness lah....free drinks = down more.
.

.
DrunkardDougie dragged me in to take part in some game on the dance floor with spotlights shining down on me.
It was the Spelling Game.
And we had to spell Eccentric with our ass.
.

.
"I don't have much of an ass lah" I whispered to Mr. DJ, hoping to escape from the game.
"It's okay. Chinese girls usually don't have ass anyways!" he said into his mic.
.
-_-'
.

.
I SUCCUMBED
.

and went to do it ">_<"

.

Not that I'm defending my case or anything, but I've actually been contemplating to get it done a long time ago but never actually got to doing it.

So when I saw BlossomMich's eyebrows and eyelashes, I gave-in to that desire.

.

I went to get my eyebrows permanently coloured onto my face and got my non-existent lashes permed.

.

Yups, that's what I did!

NOT RIGHT!

I wore a very pretty dress to work yesterday.

It was from Cats Whiskers.

And Fatty came to pick me up for lunch.

When he saw me in a dress, his whole face litted up.

And I glowed inwards.

I know I'm more of a pants-shorts girl.

And not into dresses or skirts.

And whenever Fatty sees me in a dress.

He's reminded that Femme's a GIRL.

.

And so when I got into the car.

He looked at me lovingly.

A grin spreading from one ear to the other.

He kissed me and hugged me.

I thought, wow, I should put on a dress more often.

If this is the reaction I get from my man.

.

And so we arrived at the restaurant.

Where we were to have our lunch.

And I stepped out of the car,

A spring in my step

Because I felt I looked good.

.

Fatty winked at me and held my hand.

And whispered, "You look really nice today"

I grinned widely and asked mischieviously,

"Why, oh why?"

.

He looks me in my eye and said very lovingly,

"Because....."

.

"Because you look like a happily married woman and a mother to my kids"

>_<

.

Femme is NEVER wearing that dress again.

The Twins' First

Some champion decided to go flood her belly with chili padi last night.
And has been purging eversince.
-_-'
Way to go, dumbass femme.
.
**********
.
TWINS BRING HOPE FOR SOME
.

imagine the amount of icing on this!

UmaAnn and AnnUma had a birthday celebration for their twin girls who turned 1 on March 1st. But of course, knowing how all these aunties and uncles are terrible when it comes to attending parties on weekdays, they made the party on Saturday evening.
4pm.
to be precise.

.
So there were no excuse at all for all the terrible aunts and uncles to miss it.
.

Sneha & Shaina

Seeing as the twins won't be able to appreciate (or remember) the party, UmaAnn and AnnUma invited 25 children from Rumah Hope to come celebrate and take part in the fun and games with the twins and their guests.
.

.
The smiles and laughter from the children were priceless.
.
And it was obvious they enjoyed themselves tremendously.
. .
Each of us were given a name of a child and we were told to get 'our child' a gift.
Our child (fatty & mine) was a 6 year old girl called Tarshini.
So, excitedly, we shot off to 1u on Sat, before the party, to get our child a gift.
.
Seeing as the children were from a home, we decided to pamper our child.
So we went straight to Toy r' Us and got her a beautiful Mermaid Babrbie from the Mermaidia Collection (which was NOT cheap) as well as a nice fluffy real-life looking bunny to play with.
.

.
Looking through all these Barbies, and Polly Pockets and Little Ponies and soft toys brought out the child in me.

.
Fatty ended up paying for a Mermaid Barbie, TWO fluffy real-life looking bunnies and a gorgeous blue Little Pony from the Cascade collection.

.
Imagine how happy our little Tarshini would be when she received the toys!
I know I was happy with my own fluffy real-life looking bunny and my blue Little Pony *grin*

So happily lah I pranced around looking for my little Tarshini when we got to the party.

There were kids everywhere and it was difficult to look out for a 6 year old girl.

.

And then I found Tarshini.

And SHE was a BOY!

A 12 year old BOY!

.

no, this is NOT Tachini. this is Hock Pun

.

Imagine my horror when I saw my little Tarshini sitting there....not the cheerful little girl I imagined, but a notorious, grumpy little thing, sitting alone and frowning at everyone. And his name.....NOT Tarshini....BUT Tachini.

-_-'

.

The party went really really well and I think the children all went home happy.

Not too sure about my 'little' Tachini though.

.

.

That night, Fatty brought me down to Petaling Street for the famous calypot lo shu fun.

Sooooo yummy! Just thinking about it now is making me salivate....*sluuuurrrp*!

Frills & Thrills

MamaYen and Pearlz dragged me to see more wedding gowns today and I think I actually found 2 pieces that I like very very much.
You know, nothing too extravagant or complicated, just simple and nice.
.
After all, I am not one who indulge, or even fancies, anything with lace or frills or anything too girlish.
.
Pearlz: She doesn't like anything girlie
MamaYen: Yah, get her something, you know, like manly
Femme: -_-

.

Imagine lah what the poor sales girl must be thinking.

Everything in the boutique is nothing but beads, lace, frills, sugar and candy and everything nice.

And whenever she took out something, my bridal gown consultants take one look at my turned-up, disgusted look and straight away turns the poor sales girl away...

.

Nah....that's too girl. We want something more....macho.

.

But I'm really glad I have them to come around with me to see gowns. I wouldn't know where to start if I were on my own.

And nope, going with the mother and godmother would not help.

They'd probably pick out all the ugliest ones for me.

.

In the end, out of the many hundreds of beautiful gowns for me to choose from, I only tried on 4 pieces.

And out of these 4, I only liked 2.

.

NEXT one please!

The Silent Scream

Through the thick fuzziness of black and white noise on the screen

I saw it there, lying and resting in it's sanctuary

Where nothing can harm it or unsettle it

It moves a little every now and then

Trying to find a nice comfortable position

Before it settles down again to rest

Just looking at it sent waves of emotion spiraling through me
And it brought a tear to my eye

Because I know...

.

Suddenly, the image started moving

The black and white noise started jerking back and forth

And I can see it moving violently

It's only sanctuary threatened

It stretched as far as it could to the left
And then again to the right

But there was only so much space for it to move in

And there was no escape

.

And then, a vacuum-like thing appeared on screen

Moving back and forth

Looking for something

Looking for it

It started moving harder, jerking back and forth

Trying to shy away from the vacuum as much as it could

But the vacuum was too strong

.

After much wrestling, it happened

As the vacuum-like thing found it's target

It opened up its tiny little mouth

To scream

THE SILENT SCREAM

.

Before it was torn into shreds

Leaving only fragments of bones and flesh

And all I could see was little black and white pieces floating around

On the now quiet and silent screen

Where only a while ago

Slept a 12-weeks old baby

.

Everyone should be responsible for their own actions

ABORTION is CRUEL!

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picture taken from istockphoto.com

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fatty and i had to watch this video of a real-life abortion process during one of our CMPC sessions. and i realized that once a baby is formed, it feels. eventhough it's in your body, it FEELS. so please, think before you leap. the baby is innocent. do NOT kill such a precious thing because of your own mistakes.

Oink Oink

I look everywhere and I see my absolute favourite colour RED!

RED flowers

RED curtains

RED clothes

RED lanterns

RED angpow packets

how cool is that!

.

And the best thing about CNY this year is my collection of red packets.

It's boost up in numbers compared to last year and it just feels so great!

More ka-ching to spend, more ka-ching to save, more ka-ching to do whatever I want with them and the best thing is (just like every cny), these were given to me for freeeee...

.

DUIT PERCUMA wei!

And all I had to do was wish people Gong Xi Fa Cai.

This is the BEST thing about chinese new year....free money for nothing! Gaaa-gaaa-gaaa!

.

However, this year was slightly different.

Instead of the usual reply to my wishes, this year, everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) replied with:

"Nah...last one arr, next year no more lah"

"Next year your turn to give lorr"

"First year must give double yah"

.

No wonder my collection of angpows increased this year.

Everyone kesian me cause me gonna join the 'married' club so they pakat and give me duit simpati.

How can like that?

Next year married dy but I still younger mah, so can still take mah, no meh?

.

I think I was somewhat emo this new years though cause it kept playing in my mind that everything I've done for cny since the day I was born till now will change from next year onwards.

.

Last reunion dinner at mama and yehyeh's place

Last time for mummy and daddy to be wished by me first

Last chance for me to curi all the free food from home to give people when I go bai-lin

Next year I gotta buy the food myself....*sigh*...

.

Hmmm...maybe I can curi Fatty's money instead and use it to buy stuff for bai-lin

I don't mean literally curi of course, just taking it from him without letting him know first lah

And if he finds out, he can't scold me cause afterall, I'll be Mrs. Fatty by then, and the stuff comes from Mr & Mrs Fatty, so he has a share in it as well.

.

Oh GAAAAWD!
I can't believe I'm gonna be married by this time next year!

What if I loose all the people who admires me now? Not that I have any but I would like to believe that I still have many many many.

And then I would have to work even harder to maintain my physic for fear that Fatty might stray away and find himself a YOUNGER woman....*WAILS!!!*

Oh, the pressure of being married!

No wonder so many young women all look like they age 50 years right after their wedding.

Oh noooo, I don't want to look 50! Pleeeease...I'm not even 30 yet!

Oh gaaaaawd.....30....I'll be hitting the big 3-0 in 3 years......

.

Okok...sorry....ter-digress...
Told you I'm emo...

.

Valentines

Happy Valentines Day!

.

the day for you to spend more money
on flowers and teddy bears that originally cost much much less

and squeezing with millions of other lovey-dovey couples

who are also spending more more money

on restaurants and diners

that magically conjures up 'Special Love Menus'

.

suckers!

.

i never believed in V day, never had, never will

*click for flashback*

.

and i will never understand why in the world people feel that there should be only one day in a year that's special enough to take your loved one out for that expensive dinner, to buy her that expensive bouquet of flowers and to express that undying love and emotions.

.

*femme rolls eyes*

.

all day long today, i saw streams of bouquets being delivered to the office and the younger girls all giggling in delight.

i must admit, i was happy for them, envious even

but i think i would shrivel up in embarrassment if i were to receive one.

and then i noticed, people these days don't even deliver proper flower bouquets anymore.

the bouquets are all made up of soft toys on sticks and candies.

.

who likes soft toys anyways!!!

and soft toys on

STICKS???!!!

that's just evil.

.

anyways, Happy V Day, peeps, and for all those who are out there spending more money, well, i'm sure she (or he) is worth every penny.

FAT!

It is so damn. fucking. wrong when you answer the phone to this:

.

Hey....how are you? Call me for what lah?

Eh, I happened to browse through Bel's Friendster page ya and she just uploaded new pictures.

You FAT ALREADY LAH!

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU! You just can't call up a girl and say that??!!! (fuck fuck fuck!)

No mah, just want to let you know lorr...

Gee...thanks a lot. I feel so much better about myself now.

No prob!

Fuck off lah. Bye.

.

I just cannot imagine that he called me up just to tell me that on a freaking SATURDAY too!

So much for wanting to have a good weekend lah.

So much for feeling so good about myself lah.

So much for eating glorious food during CNY lah.

.

He called just to say I'm fat.

FAT!

goddamnit!

.

So while I was strutting around in my little bikini in Pangkor, everyone must be thinking, "Omg, what's that girl doing in a bikini? She's so fucking fat!"

.

Or while I was on the podium doing my thang, people mus be looking at me weird and telling the bouncers, "Eh, get that fat bitch off there lah....the podium gonna collapse lah"

.

And when I was running around with Pearlz on Friday evening looking for a new pair of shoes for her, "Earthquake! Earthquake!......Oh, it's just that fat thing there walking around"

.

You know what? Fuckit!

So what if I'm fat and look terrible.

I still have a Fatty who loves for who I am (maybe cos he's fat too)

I can still fit into all my clothes (even if it takes me a little longer to button up)

I don't see extra flabs on my face (except fot that double chin)

.

You know what?

FUCKIT!

i'mgoingonadiet!

In Her Shoes

....yeah, literally.
.
these kindda things only happen with heels, like those super tinggi ones
and NOT with sneakers. i mean, aren't sneakers 'sport shoes'?
shoes to play sports with. therefore should be more reliable and compact.
NOT flappy.
.
but somehow,

and only these things can happen to Pearlz,

her sports shoe was

literally

flappy!
.

in fact, the entire rubber sole of her left shoe flapped off.
how it happened, i will never know and neither do i ever want to know.
and i pray with all my heart that this will never happen to me
.
MamaYen and i had to rush a limping-laughing Pearlz to the nearest shoe shop to get her a new pair.
thank goodness we were in a shopping complex and not in the middle of some street.
. .
**********************************************************
.
Tell Me I'm Seeing Spots
. .
Jojo: wah, look at all the biscuits! (picks up a jar)
Jojo: yummy....pineapple tarts
Femme: mmm....
Jojo: erm...che, am i seeing things or are there fungus? (proceeds to shove whole jar into my face)

.
Femme: mmm....

Our little get-away

Fatty and I left KL at 6.30am and took a slow, relaxing drive to Lumut using the coastal road.

It was a little bumpier compared to the highway but there were much much more things to see rather than just a long, dull road going on endlessly in front of you.

We even made it on time to catch the 11am ferry from Lumut Jetty to Pangkor Island Beach Resort's private jetty.

By 12.30pm, we were very much in our own world on PIBR already and seriously, it was a beautiful place.

Pangkor Island Beach Resort is absolutely GORGEOUS!

It's even more beautiful seeing it with your own eyes than looking through pictures.

.

It was so gorgeous that Fatty and I decided to burst our own budget for the month and extended another night.

And we did absolutely nothing but lay down by the beach, a bottle of Jack to share between us and the clear blue sea lapping gently away at our feets.

I could not have asked for anything better.

One funny thing though, I think Fatty and I were like the ONLY Asians in the whole resort (and the resort is damn big ya). Everywhere we looked, we saw blondes, brunettes, red heads, white heads, bald ones too and these heads were all attached to ang-moh's bodies.

.

Seriously! Not another Asian in sight.

There was just one other Korean couple with their 2 children, but other than that, I felt like as if I was in a totally foreign country.

Even the resort staff were not allowed to speak in Malay to us cause they kept answering us in English no matter how hard we tried getting them to talk to us in BM.

Apparently, according to the cab driver who brought us for dinner on our 2nd night, the resort staff were trained NOT to speak to anyone in Malay.

.

That's just SO WRONG!

.

Yeah, I know you want to make the gwai-los feel at home, but what about the locals?

You forgot about us???

.

So, yeah, somehow, everything in PIBR land was foreign. The people. The bright bright sun. Even the moon was big and round throughout the 3 nights we were there.

Eating in the resort was extremely pricy too, but because PIBR is located away from town and has it's own secluded area, we really had no other choice but to dine in at the resort.

But we did get a chance to go out to town for dinner on our second night there.

.

And omg, seafood is damn freaking cheap in Pangkor!

.

We had fish, and sotong and meat and lots of other dishes and everything just came to slightly below RM50 for the whole meal!

If I lived in Pangkor, I would have turned into a fat bitch a looooong time ago.

.

Fatty and I spent a majority of our time by the beach and it's amazing what the ocean can surprise you with.

There were millions and millions of tiny sand crabs running all over the sand and from far, they really looked like ants scurrying around.

.

And then, as we walked along the beach, we could see so many giant size jellyfish washed up on shore and couldn't get back into the water.

Apparently, these jellyfishes are not poisonous (or so they say) but Fatty "thinks" he got stung. 10 minutes later, he was prancing around the beach again, saving sea-cucumbers.

And while he did that, I was just watching him from my deck chair, my glass of Jack in one hand, and telling myself, "Oh gawd, that's the man I'm gonna marry".

.

But then again, I love him...sea-cucumber savior and all.

On our last morning, while we were having breakfast on the Terrace, there was a huge commotion down on the beach and so, being the typical Malaysian ke-pohs, Fatty and I gulped down our drinks and went down to see what it was.

.

And boy, did we see it.

It may not look big here, but it was fucking HUGE!

.

I wonder how much these fisherman would make me pay if I released it back out to see. Hahahaha!

.

And then, before I knew it, it was time to pack and catch the ferry back to Lumut.

.

I'm gonna miss Pangkor soooo much.

We did make a stop in Kuala Selangor for lunch-cum-dinner at about 5.30pm though.

There were so many seafood restaurants for us to choose from and we didn't know which one to pick so we chose the one with the most customers.

.

Wrong choice.

.

The food was okay, edible, but I think we could have chosen a better one.

Oh well, there's always next time.

Oh yeah, and we saw this cute little doggie waiting for his owner to finish dinner before getting back to him. He's soooo adorable!

But now, I'm back and I wished I was back in Pangkor.

Then at least I wouldn't have dislocated my shoulder and I wouldn't have to be blogging from home now.

Pretty Little Nose

I love children.

Always had.

Always will.

.

I love having children around me, laughing and playing.

Just as long as I don't have to pick up after them.

Or clean up their mess.

.

I guess I'll never be able to tahan having my own kids then.

.

This afternoon, Pearlz and I dropped by at MamaYen's place for lunch.

And we met 2 year old Areeya and her one year old brother, Isaac for the first time.

.

And they're both absolutely adorable!

.

Isaac walks around with this perpetual frown embedded upon his little brows, while looking at us with sharp, small eyes.

.

I think he thinks adults are all idiots.

For baby-talking him all the time.

.

Areeya (or Ar-ya, as she calls herself) was down with a really bad flu and she was sniffing away.

But she was still cute nonetheless and managed to sweep my heart away.

.

"What did you have for lunch?"

(Her own language) "Piglet"

"Huh? Piglet?" Femme and Pearlz.

"Nooooo....(in the these-adults-are-so-dumb kindda tone)...Peeeeget!!"

Pearlz and I looked at each other. Confused. "Piglet?"

"Noooooo.....PEEEEEEEGET!!!!"

"Biscuit lah!" MamaYen

"Oh".

.

.

"So, Areeya, what's my name again"

She stares at me blankly while trying to remember what this cuckoo aunty's name is.

"What's Aunty's name?"

She still stares blankly at me.

And I'm begining to feel like an idiot.

"I'm Aunty what?" I tried once more, pointing at my nose.

Areeya breaks into a bright smile as realization dawns upon her pretty little face.

"AUNTY NOSE!!!"

Hugs & Kisses

Exactly 10 days ago, I got ffk-ed
*click for flashback*

.

And they made me organize another party for Juju.

MessyKelv helped though, and I guess Alf played a little part in helping too.

He booked the tables and paid for the bottles!

Party or what!

.

Party was at Velvet Underground and on Saturdays, it's also Saturday Night Life where they spin ol' skool themes.

Hmmm....now that I think back, they weren't exactly playing ol' skool *femme shrugs* but then again, who cares. We had fun!

.

I think the whole of KL decided to go clubbing at Velvet last night cause the club was packed to the brim. There was hardly any space to dance so we all had to do the retarded chicken dance, keeping our elbows and arms to ourselves....

.

Just like what C.LOKE is doing here....

.
It was soooo packed that I even bumped into CuzCandy.

.

I know she parties a lot, but I didn't expect to go bumping into my very own cousin at the same club on the same night.

Hell, I even bumped into her brother when I was at the entrance to go in. But he was going to Zouk Mainroom instead.

And the funny thing was, CuzCandy didn't even know her brother was just next door.

Talk about family re-unions at a packed club.

.

It was the first time I was actually out partying with Jen, and she was great fun!

.

No, she wasn't as crazy as Juju, but she was fun too.

But nobody can outdo MessyKelv and Alf.

Alf actually frenched another guy!

*femme vomits*

But I SWEAR, Alf's straight. He was just.....erm....*scratches head*....drunk.

.

Erm...MessyKelv was just being himself here....

.

Apparently (or so I heard), he has something for holes, but then again, I don't know how true that is.

.

He and Alf were harassing my poor poor Fatty the entire night.

.

But thank goodness Fatty has alcohol running in his veins, and they couldn't get him drunk. In the end, they got drunk themselves.

.

I'm sooooo proud of my fatty.

.

Anyways, here's to Juju and a safe trip back to China.

We're gonna MISS YOU SOOOO BLOODY MUCH, bitch!