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Last night, I did something soooooo terribly wrong that I should have just thrown myself out of the window instead.

You know how sometimes, the mouth moves faster than the brains and you tend to say something which you didn't mean to say but it came out before you could stop yourself from letting it out and it damages someone's feelings?

I called SK a 'coward'. Sigh....

That's like the worse thing a girlfriend can ever say to her boyfriend and I did that. I didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, it just did. And the look on his face almost made me wish that I could kill myself or at least try to rewind back the time.

We were talking about how his boss is making him work this Sunday for some event up in Gentings, and there was nothing said about him getting a replacement leave or double pay for being made to work on a weekend. And you know me lah, always wanna fight for our rights and all that wan mah so I asked him why isn't he doing anything about it lah? Takkan just like that let the boss bully kan. Must fight back mah....

And all he did was shrug his shoulders and say, "That's the way it is in my company".

That's the way it is in my company??? Cannot lah like that. Where can wan? Must fight back mah. In appointment letter written official working days Mondays - Fridays and not inluding weekends, kan. So cannot lah allow company to exploit you like that.

Honey, takkan you just want to leave it as that meh? Everybody don't fight, you have to lah. If not, they would just close one eye and continue abusing you all like that.

What to do? Nevermind lah. It's always been like that.

So you have to do something about it kan?

*Shrugs*

Aiyoh....you scared of your boss issit? Coward lah you.

There. The damned word. And how it left my mouth.

I didn't mean 'coward' as in really really coward lah. It was more of like a 'you don't dare fight for your own rights' kindda coward. But of course the way it came out from my mouth, it sounded exactly like what it meant. Coward.

I apologised like a squillion times after that, but damage has been done. There was nothing I could do about it but to shut the fuck up and be guilt-ridden.

And then, he turns to look at me, and all he said this.

If this how you see me as all these while?

I swear I felt myself shrivelling up into nothing.