What's happening?

Well, so, been a little confused lately

About trust. faith. loyalty.

Insecurities are running through me
And even when I look at him

I don't feel anymore secure than I should be

What's happening, I ask myself

Only to be faced with emptiness
No answers to soothe me

Is this what it's going to be like
From now till forever?

.

As we sat through lunch in silence
He looking everywhere else but at me
Me playing with the food on my plate
I feel a stab

And again, I ask myself, what's happening

Is it just the insecurities?

Or is it more?

And still, no answers.

.

Is this a mistake then?
Something that is going to ruin my life forever

Or is this normal?

But I know normal
And normal does not feel like this

.

So, please tell me

What's happening?

Snapping out

You know what. I just realised that the pass few blogs were all about the wedding. It's like as if I have nothing else to blog about. It's like as if my mind is all about the wedding and nothing else. Well, I guess my mind IS all about the wedding these days.

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I'm always looking through my guest list to make sure that I've given out all my cards. Either that or I'm debating with Fatty about something that has to do with the wedding. I'm helping Fatty count and put aside finances for this and that. Even when I call my friends, it's about the wedding, whether or not they are coming, are they bringing a partner, and yes, please give me angpows! Even when with the family, it's all about the wedding.

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I'm so busy planning out the wedding program, making sure that there's nothing missing from anywhere. Is there gonna be enough alcohol? Should we buy more? What if more people turned up at the dinner than we expected? How many reserved tables should we have? Will my make-up be okay? Will we get back enough to cover our expenses?

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I never thought planning for a wedding could be so difficult and frustrating. Doesn't the hotel handle everything for us anyway? And church is just a simple ceremony right?

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But I guess each wedding is unique in it's own way and each couple would want to make their day as special as can be. Therefore all the headaches put into planning the whole thing and trying to make it so wonderful that all friends and family will have fun and remember it for always.

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I've been so busy fussing about everything about the wedding, just to ensure that everyone will enjoy themselves, that I actually forgot about my own happiness. Till BlossomMich knocked some sense into me.

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"Woman, I've never seen such a depressed and easily agitated bride-to-be as you are. It's your wedding. You're suppose to be excited about the planning and looking forward to it. Not bitching and stressing about every single thing.

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So what if your mama invited the flower lady? Let your dad settle it. Some things are out of your control, girl. Just be happy that you have people coming for your wedding. And leave all the running around to us. That's why you have us for. To HELP you! You know, by being so depressed about your wedding everytime we talk to you, it's starting to rub off on us too and it's not healthy!

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Some of us might not even have the chance to be happily married, you know. And you do! And your family are being soooo supportive! So please, snap out of it!"

.

And well, that kindda opened up my eyes and made me realise that I have been amazingly depressed lately about every single thing on the wedding and this is not the right way to work at it.

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So, I'm going to really try to lighten up and look at the whole thing in a different angle and perhaps, I'll be a much happier person.

Official in a month

Exactly ONE month from today

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I'll be

OFFICIALLY

married

.

OFFICIALLY

someone's wife

.

OFFICIALLY

own a husband

.

OFFICIALLY

known as Mrs. Fatty

.

blink blink

.

*Waaaaaaaaailsssss!!!!*

Some bad and some good

So stress until can die.

So many things to arrange for and only 4 weekends to go.

Wish we had more time.

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Called PrettyInWhite to find out if my designer is back from her maternity leave.

Not until Nov 1st, was the reply.

And I have yet to see both pairs of the shoes they're making for me. And my evening gown. The one and only time I did see it was like 2 and a half months back, and when it was still full off pink round head pins holding it together. I've not even gone my the actual fitting. This is just the evening gown. I haven't even started with the bridal gown.

.

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We also finally got the wedding bands.

Had to go around the world to look for the rings. The whole incident was just so miserable. Fatty and I fought so much because of it. But I'm not about to go into details about it here. Fatty gets very sensitive sometimes.

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But all's well now. We managed to find the - well, not exactly perfect - ring, and paid the deposit for it too. We still have to wait a good 3 months for the custom-made rings to be ready for collection. And again, I'm not about to reveal how much the rings cost us because I might just cry. But here's a little hint.

.

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But no, stressing about the ring and the gown and shoes are considered absolutely nothing, if compared to stressing about the guest list. OMG!!!!

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THE GUEST LIST!!!

Someone please kill me now.

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Scenario 1: To woman and husband.

Woman RSVPs back for herself and husband plus 2 kids and 2 maids!!!!

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Scenario 2: To aunty.

Aunty RSVPs back for herself, her 3 sons, 3 daughter-in-laws, 2 grandchildren and 1 maid!!!!

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And here I am, slashing down on number of guests and tables as much as I can and these people aren't helping a bit lorr!

.

Can so die right???!!!

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I mean, where can like that wan?

Invitation to you and hubby, then bring only you and hubby lah.

Invitation to you alone, fine, understandable if you want to bring someone with you, but to bring your entire family! Plus maids!!! I'm surprised you didn't RSVP your dog, your 10 goldfishes AND your neigbour's servants too!!!

.

You think what?

So many tables to house your whole kampung arr. Next time you get married, I'm going to bring my dog's children and my 10 bodyguards as well. Ya lah, I need bodyguards arr. Cannot arr.

.

*Sigh*

Dunno lah. I'm just so mad that people don't know how to use their brains these days. Simple things like that also try to understand a bit lah.

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I mean, if I had ample tables to give away, fine, you can bring anyone you want to. But I've only got a limited amount of table and the invitation was only to you. Not that difficult to figure out right.

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See lah, when I do my final round of calls to everyone for their RSVPs, sure mati wan.

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Anyways, onto happier things.

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Fatty and I have decided to go to Greece for the honeymoon.

.

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It's such a lovely place, with all year round Mediteranean weather, so nice for honeymoon kan.

.

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And I can go visit the temple of Zeus....where my ex-husband, Hercules, was born!!! Soooo nice!

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I found something interesting to do too

After reading everyone else's blogs and wondering why they're not updating as much as before anymore, I realised they all have ONE same excuse - FACEBOOK! However, like I have admitted before, I'm also addicted to it, therefore, will not be the one to blame them for their lack of blogs.

.

But this time, I'm addicted to something else on FB.

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I love it I love it I love it I love it!!!

I love it so much that I've been spending too much time DURING office hours designing my own polyvores. You should try it out too you know. Trust me, you'll get hooked.

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Counting down

36

days to go to the 'BIG' day

oh gaaaaawd

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I think I'm starting to get wedding jitters.

But I cannot say why.

But I have been acting weird the pass few nights. Feeling restless. And I don't know if it's because of the upcoming nuptials.

.

And I think Fatty is feeling it too.

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Shit.

This is not going to work, is it?

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Mummy and Daddy are getting us a honeymoon package to somewhere as our wedding gift. Mummy suggested either Maldives or Kashmir. Fatty suggested Bali :(

I'm suggesting either Switzerland or Vienna.

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Any other suggestions?

Boleh lah boleh

So, it was last Friday night, when I was rushing home to shower, that I had a conversation with God.

.

This is what He told me:

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Kristy, I know you'd be extremely excited if I were to tell you that you're gonna have a baby, so that's why I'm here now, having this conversation with you. Eventhough you're only gonna be officially married in less than 2 months, and you're not yet married now, I'm still here to have this talk with you. You have NO TIME, NO MONEY and you're NOT READY to be a mother yet. Therefore, you'll have to keep your excitement till after you're wedded.

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And then, He disappeared.

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And I had to drive like a race car driver back home because the waterfall started -_-

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***

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Was having dinner at The Curve last night with Ade and some colleagues when some bastard came and switched Ade's laptop bag with an empty one.

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And we didn't even know it happened or when it happened.

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We were sitting there from 7.30pm all the way to 9.30pm and we didn't realise anything, until when we were about to leave.

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Ade: Who's laptop bag is that?

Me: *thinks to myself, duh, yours lah*

Ade: Why is there a laptop bag here???

Me: *blink blink*

Ade: Fuck!!! Someone swtiched my laptop with an empty one!!!

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And then, she went hysterical.

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And used a serviette to pick the empty bag up.

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Ade: We have to send this is to have it dusted for fingerprints!!!!

Me: Malaysia not CSI k.

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I went with her to the police station to make the report, and when we asked the cop if this happened a lot?, he made us look under his table where he kept a dozen more empty laptop bags.

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Me: Wah, encik boleh buka gerai jual laptop bag lah!

Ade: Boleh ambil fingerprints dari bag ni ke?

Him: *looks at us like as if we were idiots* Ini Malaysia lah. Mana boleh?

.

So, next time, if your neighbour's house gets broken into, and someone gets murdered and the murderer escapes from it without being caught, and there's nothing no lead at all to start the investigation except for some fingerprints maybe left on the broken glass windows or whatever, don't even think to open your mouth and ask them to dust for fingerprints ya.

.

Cos he's only gonna turn around and say

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INI MALAYSIA LAH!!! MANA BOLEH???

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Hmph...

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MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!

I can STILL draw better

First thing I did when I logged on today was to click into FaceBook...
to be slapped with the sight of THIS!!!!!

..
on Fatty's profile!

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Who the FUCK was this woman who dared to write this on Fatty's FunWall???

Who the FUCK was she to think that she can declare her love to him in public???

And you're fucking right you can't draw for nuts!!!

I mean, have you seen what I drew for him???!!!

.

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So go hide yourself in some hole and don't even come out alright!

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UmaAnn walked passed me later that day when I was still fuming.

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Me: Do you know who (mentions name) is?

He: *weird smile* Why?

Me: Do you know or not?

He: *still with that weird smile* Why lah?

Me: Because, she wrote I LOVE YOU on Fatty's FaceBook!!!!

He: *laughs*

Me: *frowns even more*

He: She's AnnUma's cousin lah

Me: So! That doesn't give her the right to declare her love to Fatty!

He: She wrote it to everyone on her contact list

Me: Oh *blush*

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Way to go, stupid Femme.

New fear

Everyone has their fears.

I wrote about mine *here*

.

Now I think I have a new fear.

My MOTHER.

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Her: You're not pregnant, are you???!!!

Me: Me? Why would you say that?

Her: Cos your msn says '4 days and counting'

Me: Well, it could mean anything.

Her: I'm your mother!

Me: Look, if I were, you'd be the first to know.

Her: If you are, I'd be a grandma in 7 months!!!

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and....I'n ONLY 4 days late.

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Aniston: So, 4 days late, huh

Me: Yeah, but I'm not worried - yet

Aniston: Let me see, when was your last period

I gave her the date.

Aniston: Ooh, your baby will be due June 9th! Few days after your birthday!

Me: Great! Another Gemini!

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This is just how much the world has changed.

I bet if we were still in the 20th century, my mother would have forced me to go for an abortion, whether I'm pregnant or not. She wouldn't be jumping for joy and counting down the months to the day she becomes one generation older.

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And I'm NOT even pregnant!!!

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And I wouldn't have been so opened about telling the world that I'm 4 days late, or whatever.

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But then again, it could be because I'm already gonna get married anyways, and it's only 2 months to go before the wedding, so what difference does it make whether I'm preggers now or later. It's gonna happen sooner or later anyways.

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But then, if either Jojo or Sarah comes back and say, "Mom, my period is late 1/2 day", I think my mum would hit the roof and disown them. *Shrugs*. I don't know.

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All I know is that I'm 4 days late and there's nothing I can do about it.

*Sigh*....oh the joys of life.

3 days late

but i KNOW it's coming.

i can feel the cramps, i feel bloated all over and everywhere hurts.

so there's absolutely nothing for me to worry about.

i'm just annoyed with the fact that it's late and i'm suffering for nothing.

.

well...
i'll give myself up till end of this week.

and if it's still not here yet, i'm marching myself straight to the nearest pharmacy.

and i WILL drag Fatty with me.

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***

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i'm addicted to FaceBook.

i'm sooo addicted to it i actually can't sleep at night if don't log on more than thrice a day.

.

Was out at Wine@Nine last night with UmaAnn, AnnUma, Stevie, Jo and Fatty (entirely a LAST MINUTE plan of course)

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UmaAnn: Eh, your boss don't say anything when you stroll in at 10am in the morning arr?

Me: *blink blink*

Jo: Aiyoh, she work until 8pm at night, of cos won't scold lah

Fatty: Yah, but from 4pm onwards, she's on FaceBook

AnnUma: *laughs out hysterically*

Me: >_<'

.

Was suppose to have an early night last night, so had a quiet dinner in SS2.

Lagi I was only wearing shorts, a white tee, with one bandaged ankle (yes, I sprained it, please don't ask how) with absolutely NO MAKE-UP!!!

And bumped into someone we so did not expect to see
and was dragged into Bambo09.....or Bombay as the drunkard called it.

.

I ended up creeping-limping out when drunkard wasn't looking.

So happy!

And because of that, I managed to get to work on time today.

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HARR HARR!!!