The Kill

With eyes like a hawk, she watches it zoom around the room.

It darts from top to bottom, side to side, as fast as the wind but never once did she lose sight of it. She was on a mission and her mission was to do one thing and one thing alone.

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TO KILL.

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It had already attacked her once and she wore the wound on her right wrist. It would not attack her again because it was smart enough to understand the mission she was on, and it knew the mission was to have it dead. To go near her again for another attack might cost it it's life and it could not risk it.

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It zoomed passed her ears, taunting her, teasing her. She remained still, knowing that the slightest move might cost her the only chance of killing it. She watched it zipping around, as fast as lighting, calculating it's every move, mentally strategizing when to move in.

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Soon enough, it got tired and landed out of view, or so it thought.

It stayed there, resting, unknown of its impending death.

But her eyes were sharp. She saw it. And made her move.

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WHAM!!!!

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It never even saw it coming.

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For you

This is for you.

You may not like the fact that I'm blogging this but it's the only way to show you how strongly I feel about it. Perhaps this might work better than talking to you. Because I've tried the talking oh so many many times but nothing seems to be going in. I'm so disappointed with you there are no words to describe how disappointed I am. And yes, I'm very angry with you for not having the courage to stand up for yourself. To save yourself. To stop this before it gets deeper. It's come to a point where I don't even want to care anymore. But I still do. And that's what love is. The love you think you know is NOT what love is. So I'm hoping that by doing this, you'd be able to read this over and over and over again until something sinks in.

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And yes, you ARE stubborn like that.

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I don't know if you are really blind (emotionally) or just in self-denial. Or maybe even scared. Because deep down inside, I know you know it's all wrong for you and yet, you do not want to get out of it.

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What I don't understand is WHY?

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I've been told many many times to stop trying to understand people because I will never be able to. But I DO still want to try understanding you. Because you're just not anyone. You're someone I care for deeply. That's why I'll keep trying.

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You are definitely not stupid. You may be a little blind but definitely not stupid. So why are you doing this to yourself? Even you yourself know that all the signs are pointing towards DISASTER and yet, you are still heading that way. Why?

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Are you so afraid to be alone in this world? So much so that you would rather spend the rest of your life being bullied and miserable rather than to be happy and alone? Is being alone so frightening that you'd sacrifice true happiness? And self-respect? And self dignity?

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What she said was right, you know?

How can you expect someone to respect you when you don't even respect yourself?

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Let's not even talk about respect.

Let's talk about a bit of self dignity.

You don't even have that.

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Promises has been made over and over so many times. Promises to change.

But how can one change their characters? Themselves? Who they are?

They were born like that and they will die like that.

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Like I've told you, do you want to live your life as a lion tamer, living everyday with the fear of not knowing when the lion is going to turn around and bite your head off? If you do, fine by me. But when the lion does bite your head off one day, you won't have the chance to walk away anymore because you'll be dead.

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Let me give you an example:

You always see women in abusive relationships and then you ask yourself, why don't they get out? Because everytime the man beats the woman, he apologizes and promises never to do it again. And the woman forgives him, thinking and HOPING that he will change. The next night, he does it again, and apologizes again and promises never to do it again and the woman forgives him again, thinking and HOPING that he will change. The next night, he does it all over again.

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So the question is, when WILL the woman stop hoping? When he finally beats her to death?

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It all starts with one mean word from the mouth.

One name calling.

One push.

One shove.

One slap.

One punch.

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You say this is different.

I say this is NOT different.

It's the same thing.

And you KNOW it's the same thing.

You can tell me lies to cover up for people. But you can't lie to yourself.

So, I'm asking you now, when are you going to stop hoping?

WHEN WILL YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO WALK AWAY?

Dinner Boo Boo

Mummy made noodles for my dinner tonight and I brought it out to the dining table. I also saw that she left a bowl of pai kuat and sausages in another bowl so I took that out with me as well.

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I popped a sausage into my mouth and started attacking the bowl of noodles. Damn hungry. It was already 10pm and I only had 1901 for lunch this afternoon.

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"Kristy, what did you take out with you?" mummy shouts from the kitchen.

"The noodles and the bowl of meat lah!" I shouted back."

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There was silence.

And then. "You ate from the bowl of meat arr?"

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Me. "Why? I took a sausage lah"

"It's for the dog!"

"WHAT??? How was I suppose to know that!"

"The sausage was from 2 months ago lah, and can't you see the bones under it?"

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I took a closer look into the bowl.

OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWD!!!!

I just ate dog food!!!!

Oh really??? Me???

I was browsing through FB last night when a new notification came in.

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XKCX has tagged you in a photo

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and I was thinking....hmmm, XKCX XKCX XKCX, who is XKCX....and I even had to go into her profile to see her profile pictures to remind myself who XKCX is. And since I don't even remember who this person is exactly, how can this person have a picture of me?

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This....

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was what the picture was....

and when I rolled my curser over it,

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THIS....

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was what I was tagged as!

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THE DRAMA QUEEN

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REALLY???

ME???

A DRAMA QUEEN???

NO WAAAAAAAAY......

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I wonder what I ever did to create that impression to someone I hardly even know.

It's amazing...

...how I can now sing to every song on PlayHouse Disney >_<'

I'm so doomed

I knew I was doomed the day I got pregnant.

Not because I wasn't ready for a child although at that time, I really wasn't ready. I mean, honeymoon was suppose to be in May, and then after that only try for a child but then I found out I was with child in January and it was all because I miscalculated and....anyways, that's old story now.

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Not doomed because my body was gonna bloat up. Well, I wasn't looking forward to having wider hips because my hips then was already wide and all but then again, all women will have to bloat up when pregnant and anyways, I got my body back to the way it was and in fact I'm lighter than before I got pregnant and I lost so much weight that even my double-eyelid-less eye has miraculously formed a double-eyelid whoopeee! which just goes to show how much oil and fat I lost just from my face alone and YES, I AM GLOATING....teeeheehee!

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I knew I was doomed because....

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You know how everyone has a fear of something? And as you all know if you've been following this blog, my biggest fear is for the four-legged, translucent brown, clammy cold thing you people call a lizard which I don't think it even deserves to have a name but anyways, yes, this lizard thing and I have been on-going enemies for the longest time and no matter how much I try to tell myself that there's nothing much to fear about them, I will continue to be afraid of the disgusting things for the rest of my life and there's nothing much anyone can do about it (this sentence is too long I don't know how to end it).

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My other fear is cooking.

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I know right.

Cooking.

Like duh, cooking?

Cooking. Lizard. Cooking. Lizard. Cooking.

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Okay, fine, to be fair to the lizards, I don't actually fear fear cooking. I more like fear the whole process of cooking. Preparing the ingredients. Putting them into the wok. Having oil spit out from the firery pit onto my hands and singe-ing me. And then having the food taste pathetic after the whole process. That fear.

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So because of this fear, I never attempted to cook. Well, once in a while I do but nothing interestingly enough to cause a fire in the kitchen and most of the time when I DO have to cook (like making maggi mee or boiling rice), I use the good ol' microwave.

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Oh yes, I absolutely LURVE the microwave! Without it, I would never be able to fry eggs, or boil rice, or make instant noodles and etc!

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So, you would think, don't like to cook, scared to cook then don't cook lah, right?

I thought so too.

Until I got pregnant. But then, I pushed it away and told myself to cross the bridge only when I get to it.

And then, 2 weeks ago, when I brought Renee for her check-up, her pediac tells me, the next time you come, I will talk to you about bubur for Renee and being the moron that I am, I ask back, what's bubur?

You should have seen the look on FattyHubby's face. It wasn't nice.

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Porridge???!!!

OH.MY.GAWD!!!!

I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE PORRIDGE!!!!!

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Why can't Renee just drink breastmilk and live on rice cereals forever?

It's just as good as eating bubur right?

They even sell rice cereals with bananas / pears / apples / or whatever you want they have so why would I need to do any cooking?

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Who says boiling porridge does not constitute as cooking? I wil shoot anyone who tells me that okay. I swear I will!

I have to wash the rice right?

I have to put it in a pot, put in the right amount of water and set it to boil right?

It has fire involved right?

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Confirm die!

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BestieKat called me few days ago and I decided to unburden my woes onto her and what does she do? She LAUGHS at me! Hmph!

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And then, she offered to demonstrate it for me one day when I go over to her place. But WHY CAN'T I USE THE MICROWAVE???? I wailed.

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Because it won't be as tasty as doing it the right way. Besides, using microwave is not healthy.

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Tasty? Babies can't taste. If they could, they wouldn't have invented all sorts of different flavored rice cereals right?

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But the one point that hit me was 'not healthy'.

And because of that, I'm doomed.

Doomed to boil porridge for Renee from now onwards.

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Oh, the sacrifices a mother makes for her child!

This spoilt my day

O.M.G!!!!

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I read this post on Cheesie's blog and now, I want to commit suicide. The stupid picture of the lizrad is stuck in my head and I can't get it out and just writing about it now is making me want to puke. That's why I want to commit suicide. I'd rather die than to have the image of the damn thing flashing in my mind every 5 seconds....and there it goes again.

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Omg, if I found something as disgusting like that in my kitchen sink, I think I would just freak! And I don't think I would be as cool as Cheesie and just go on with life and do other things in the house while the lizard is still lying in the kitchen sink lorr. I think I would just zone out and stand there frozen like a dungu until someone comes and do something about it.

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But knowing me, I won't freeze like dungu lorr.

I think the first thing I'd do would be to scream and jump back then slip on the floor mat and fall flat on my face and break all my teeth.

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Either that or I'd turn on the tap and try to flush it down the sink, but then, it will get stuck in the teeny weeny sink hole and its tail will fly off and it might start scrambling to break free and watching it do that will make me scream and jump back, slip on the floor mat, fall flat on my face and break all my teeth.

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The best would be that while its stuck in the teeny weeny sink hole, I'd turn on the tap so that water will gush out stronger and hopefully, the lizard will eventually get sucked through and then all its guts would come splurting out and the egg will be smashed into a million pieces too and that would do the world good because not only did I kill one lizard, I killed all its children too so how about that!

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Or, of course, I could just sneak up on it while it stays there not knowing its impending death and spray it with sheltox and it wouldn't be able to run anywhere except round and round the sink because it would be too slippery for it to climb out and so, I'll just keep spraying round and round the sink until the lizard runs to its death...teeheehee.

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Watching it writher to death would absolutely make my day *BIG GRIN*

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But I don't think any of this would happen. Instead, I would stand there screaming for someone to get rid of it and mummy will come in and try to help the lizard get out from the sink. And when the lizard does manage to clamber out, I'll jump back, slip on the floor mat, fall on my face and break all my teeth. It's my destiny.

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Here's a hello from Renee to cheer you up....

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and yes, you ARE gorgeous just like your mummy =)

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And here's a picture of the ugly lizard (courtesy of Cheesie) to spoil your day again....waakakakakaaaaa.......

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