For you

This is for you.

You may not like the fact that I'm blogging this but it's the only way to show you how strongly I feel about it. Perhaps this might work better than talking to you. Because I've tried the talking oh so many many times but nothing seems to be going in. I'm so disappointed with you there are no words to describe how disappointed I am. And yes, I'm very angry with you for not having the courage to stand up for yourself. To save yourself. To stop this before it gets deeper. It's come to a point where I don't even want to care anymore. But I still do. And that's what love is. The love you think you know is NOT what love is. So I'm hoping that by doing this, you'd be able to read this over and over and over again until something sinks in.

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And yes, you ARE stubborn like that.

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I don't know if you are really blind (emotionally) or just in self-denial. Or maybe even scared. Because deep down inside, I know you know it's all wrong for you and yet, you do not want to get out of it.

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What I don't understand is WHY?

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I've been told many many times to stop trying to understand people because I will never be able to. But I DO still want to try understanding you. Because you're just not anyone. You're someone I care for deeply. That's why I'll keep trying.

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You are definitely not stupid. You may be a little blind but definitely not stupid. So why are you doing this to yourself? Even you yourself know that all the signs are pointing towards DISASTER and yet, you are still heading that way. Why?

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Are you so afraid to be alone in this world? So much so that you would rather spend the rest of your life being bullied and miserable rather than to be happy and alone? Is being alone so frightening that you'd sacrifice true happiness? And self-respect? And self dignity?

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What she said was right, you know?

How can you expect someone to respect you when you don't even respect yourself?

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Let's not even talk about respect.

Let's talk about a bit of self dignity.

You don't even have that.

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Promises has been made over and over so many times. Promises to change.

But how can one change their characters? Themselves? Who they are?

They were born like that and they will die like that.

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Like I've told you, do you want to live your life as a lion tamer, living everyday with the fear of not knowing when the lion is going to turn around and bite your head off? If you do, fine by me. But when the lion does bite your head off one day, you won't have the chance to walk away anymore because you'll be dead.

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Let me give you an example:

You always see women in abusive relationships and then you ask yourself, why don't they get out? Because everytime the man beats the woman, he apologizes and promises never to do it again. And the woman forgives him, thinking and HOPING that he will change. The next night, he does it again, and apologizes again and promises never to do it again and the woman forgives him again, thinking and HOPING that he will change. The next night, he does it all over again.

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So the question is, when WILL the woman stop hoping? When he finally beats her to death?

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It all starts with one mean word from the mouth.

One name calling.

One push.

One shove.

One slap.

One punch.

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You say this is different.

I say this is NOT different.

It's the same thing.

And you KNOW it's the same thing.

You can tell me lies to cover up for people. But you can't lie to yourself.

So, I'm asking you now, when are you going to stop hoping?

WHEN WILL YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO WALK AWAY?