Christmas

Christmas just isn't the same anymore.

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There was a time when I started counting down the days to Christmas the minute June ended. Christmas shopping was never a last minute 'chore' for me because I always started early and had all the presents wrapped even before the Christmas tree at home was put up. I always made sure I took time off whatever I was doing then, to help mummy and my sisters take out the tree from it's box and light it up, and I was always the one who was hopping all over the house, hanging snowflakes everywhere, and making sure that 'home' is exactly where the 'perfect Christmas' would be.

We would create wonderful fun themes for the different family gatherings leading up to Christmas day.

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3 days before Christmas will see us at AuntD's place, all decked out in Bahamas wear.

2 days before Christmas, and we're all hanging out in our finest pyjamas at home.

Christmas Eve will see us all at Godma's house, in the joyful colours of red, green and white.

And sing Christmas carols together with AuntD on the guitar.

And then Christmas day itself, we'll all be gathered in our Sunday best, at Grandma's house, fighting for the front row seats in front of the beautiful Christmas tree, while waiting patiently for Grandpa to pick out the presents with our names on it.

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All these beautiful memories....

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And then, we all grew up.

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Christmas shopping became an obligation. A chore. A financial burden.

Instead of looking forward to it, it became something dreaded.

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There were no more 6-month-countdown to Christmas.

Sadly, Christmas came and went, and I hardly felt it.

I wasn't even home when the Christmas tree was put up this year.

I took no part in decorating the house...
...or making 'home' the place for the 'perfect Christmas'

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There was no Perfect Christmas.

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For the very first time, this year, we celebrated Christmas without AuntD.

For the very first time, this year, we sang Christmas carols to a children's Christmas CD.

And for the very first time, this year, we celebrated Christmas at Godma's place instead of Grandma's home.

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Grandpa and Grandma are getting too old to handle a crowd in their house anymore.

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And this hit me real hard.

So hard that it hurt.

Because it opened up my eyes and I saw how old the grandparents have suddenly become.

And I know that they will not be in my life for many more Christmasses.

And I cannot ever imagine celebrating Christmas without Grandma's "Five Golden Rings".

Or Grandpa's spasm of sneezes to signify the end of a really yummy Christmas eve dinner.

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And it made me sad.

And so, for the first time this Christmas, I sat in an awkward silence.

That even PlainJanez asked me if there was anything wrong with me.

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BUT there is ONE BEAUTIFUL THING that happened for the first time, this Christmas.

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I'm happily engaged and looking forward to a having wonderful wedding, surrounded by close family and friends, Grandpa, Grandma, Mummy and Daddy, Sarah and Jojo...

And more importantly, looking forward to an even more wonderful marriage....

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For the first time, this Christmas, I realised that this Christmas will be the last Christmas I'll be celebrating as a single, independant woman. For this time next year, I will be happily married to someone wonderful.

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So, this Christmas, for the first time, I shall look forward to making next year's Christmas more meaningful, a Christmas where one chapter of my life will end, and the next one will start.

So, have a VERY, MERRY & BLESSED CHRISTMAS this year to all you out there, and may all your Christmassy dreams come true.